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I saved money for my brother’s children, not for his stepchildren.


A concerned aunt wrote to advice columnist R. Eric Thomas about a dilemma regarding the savings accounts she set up for her niece and nephew. The aunt, who has been a big part of her niece and nephew’s lives after their parents divorced, intended the money in the accounts to go towards their college education. However, her brother’s wife suggested dividing the money equally among all four children in the family, including her own kids.

Thomas acknowledged the aunt’s special bond with her niece and nephew but also emphasized that she has the right to decide what to do with the money. He suggested considering creative solutions, such as investing the money for the younger children while giving the bulk to the older ones. Ultimately, he advised that the aunt should do what she feels is best, as it is her gift to give.

In a separate letter, a mother shared her concerns about her adult son displaying abusive behavior towards his wife. As someone who stayed in an abusive marriage for too long, she wanted to intervene to prevent a new generation of abuse. Thomas supported her decision to have a private conversation with her daughter-in-law and then her son, emphasizing the importance of addressing abusive behavior and offering support and resources.

Both situations highlight the complexities of family dynamics and the need for open communication and support when addressing sensitive issues like financial decisions and domestic abuse. Thomas encouraged both individuals to trust their instincts and take steps to address the issues at hand respectfully.

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